so these past hours...

I've been pretty depressing... it's horrible I'm so weak i went out and bought a pack of cigs... i did my best to buy a pack i never smoked before so i could be turned off by the uncomfortable taste that I'm usually accustomed to...

visiting my cousins early yesterday morning was unbearable i wanted to cut myself out of my skin and lay next to her.. to be with her one last time.. you know it's crazy... people say you can't pick your own family but she wanted me the first time she laid eyes on me and it feels good to know that you once had someone that wanted you for you, nothing more just you.. i was her baby and they were my family.. it just sucks that she went back home to Nigeria to rest and that's what she did...i love you and you will always be in my heart and every breath i take I'll be deeply devoted to you... i love you<3!

this would be the last time i saw her at Trice's baby shower..July 27th 2008....

i can't stop crying................

i miss my god mother<3!...............................

i want you, just exactly like i used to...

Damn those Kings of Leon boys did it again...that song sums up all the things I've been doing this week which i shouldn't but its something about you that keeps me wanting you....i don't know.. i enjoyed sending sexy half nude pics to you..just to give you a glimpse of what you've been missing these past several weeks we've been apart...haha I've become a slut when i said I'll stop my dirty ways but when I'm not i have nothing else to do to keep my mind of you... so i dedicate this song to you fool from my point of view and 'Id engager" as your point of view.. awesome songs and hopefully by next week I'll have my charts for the best tracks that graced my 2008 experience....

you can't get enough.....

everyone says that i've been a loner and all i do is sit at home and read my books...hahaha but i love it... this months reading list so far has been amazing and i'm so excited to see what's in store for next month.. i don't know i'm just enjoying it... the way the words touch every part of your soul as you yearn for more, how your imagination seeps between those lines and its like you were the character all along... ahh i wait all day to read my night books when i've been sitting inside buses reading my day books.. i'm such a loser i know but i do know this january im going back to that radical bookstore to get that japanese war poems<3!.. i can't wait so here is my reading list for the month of December and i think im going to end with these books and start a anew in january.....

1. Alice Walker written by Evelyn White (if you are a big fan of Alice Walker's writings then you'll like this, the way Evelyn White uses historical events that shaped the writings of Alice Walker's non and professional writing career)

2. A Farewell to Arms written by Ernest Hemingway (this book is amazing if you enjoy war love stories with a shocking twist this is for you<3!.. i'm going to re read this one, this is one of my favorites)......

3. Girls, Vision and Everything written by Sarah Schulman ( A very different book from the rest of the list but a very inspirational for anyone trying to make it as an artist living in NYC, how history repeats itself...hahahaha)

4. Kafka on the shore written by Haruki Murakami (EVERYONE SHOULD READ THIS BOOK..simply amazing and worth staying up all night to finish..plus its so good im naming my son after it..true story..lmao)

don't want to be your man, just want to play with you....

i could listen to this song all day.. hahaha

think i'm a little bit in love with you.....

so i just hung out with my ex boyfriend Kevin and it felt as if 7 years wasn't all that long ago.. he is so chill like i remembered... To think i still thought about him all these years apart since we were forced to part because of situations such as being young and that he moved down south.... but yeah it was really good chilling with "the one that got away"...lol

hahaha he is texting me while im typing this but yeah this is so weird but not really i don't have any feelings at the moment which is just not like me so i guess this might be good for me..maybe... i guess... i don't know i'll see where this goes.... i just can't believe he has 17 month old son.. so am i ready to be a step mother before I'm a mother.. hahahaha very interesting

so today i went to the city and stopped by this radical bookstore and picked up my very own slingshot planner that i have been overly obsessing about since leaving florida.. YAY!.. i have to go back soon to pick up this book i caught my eyes on.. i wish i had more money but whatever another excuse to hang in the city but this time i could chill out there a little longer... i had a dentist appointment at 2 so i couldn't wonder for awhile... so sad being that today was an amazing day... I'm just glad i didn't have to go to work.. a week day to myself and a wonderful week day it was... i got to read my book in peace courtesy of my new Ipod.. thank you new friend<3!...

ooh before i forget ghetto black boys are rude especially when they are trying to "holla" at you.. hahaha give it a rest i would never want to "holla" at someone who approaches me with the lines "hold on one minute so i could talk to you" ha i would never stop for a guy like that.. come off smooth and just start with a "hi" and maybe i put maybe i might respond but i wont count on being interested.. hahahaha this is why i'm alone....lol

sooooooooo am i ready to have a boyfriend.. ahahaha he is a little naive but i think he figures i would make his llfe a little better.. which would suck because maybe i'm not ready to have a family started out for me you know... the kid isn't the problem I'm the problem.. i like being single in a way.. why can't we just cuddle and not think about labels for awhile.....