give me a break...

was the title of my bulletin on myspace.. and i thought that was what i needed but maybe i need realization more.... so this past week has been rough emotionally and physically but mostly emotionally....

I'm not happy like i was maybe because i had no worries when i was younger.. and I'm getting older plus it's approaching very soon for me..... My 24Th birthday is on Friday and all i can remember is me mouthing off to my mother how pointless and miserable my life is, to have my whole world turned upside and taken from me.. like i was useless or a gain on someone else expense, which they thought it would be....

Just to let you fuckers know you picked the right person to steal from because i DON'T HAVE ANYTHING.. NO MONEY... NO FANCY CLOTHES, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING but an empty checking account.. so the jokes on you because i hope you are as dump as you are for stealing my wallet and my new cellphone, (that wont help you either because Verizon doesn't use Sim cards so my phone is a waste), to use my check card again so you'll be arrested and I'm DEFIANTLY going to press charges since i meant nothing to you but a free ride.... ASSHOLE/S!.....

In any case last night wasn't a complete waste... Lugie and I made it to the Kevin Devine show which was amazing and a little uplifting..Being back in my hometown of Brooklyn<333!, a few blocks away from our old stomping grounds... Lugie and Monty are insane for doing the SOuji boy SUPERMAN dance on stage before Kevin's set.. hahaha... Seeing Brian Bonz again after so many yeeeeaaarsss..that was pretty sweet.. hahaha.... it was great to be in the presence of old friends....AND I LOVE ALL OF MY NEW FRIENDS<333!... maybe i didn't appreciate you guys enough for being there for me when i felt that i was all alone.....so here is to you guys<3333!.....CHEERS<3!!!!

so let's try this again...i think 24 wont be all that bad since 23 sucked in the closing...hahaha.....

<3paix

i figured it out....

why writers write and Poets poetess...
so they could share their lives with us.....
And remember they once were here....
amazing<3!

i wish i were a poet...

<3paix

Paris....

i'm really giving this some thought.. i think i really want to study in France....

Chemistry is giving me a run for my money.. it's like when i think i had a grasp on it, it tells me other wise.. maybe i'm seriously not cut out for this.. i would love to go to medical school but i wont be going with a horrible gpa... i thought if i continue to study and work hard on it i'll pass but its an on going thing.. i have to really want it... i dont think i really want it anymore.. i don't know.. i don't really need this class to bring down my GPA....

I think i want to change my major from English and Chemistry to English and French.... if i take three classes in French i can be considered to further my studies in Paris.. which i sort of want to do at this time.. i want to leave for awhile and see how it is... and if i don't like it which i'll doubt i'll come home...

<3peace

12:25 was the last time i saw my baby....

now he is lost in a world where he doesn't understand what is going on... i never thought i could get attached to anything well other than my Pedro... i lost my phone yesterday.. it's so sad.... someone has my phone... my baby....my pictures, my memories, my life.....

Verizon is a piece of shit they wont send me a replacement even thou i pay insurance every month for it.... those fuckin bastards.. i don't have 50 dollars i could barely pay my bill.... they don't fuckin care about anyone but how to make fuckin money.. they are all bastards....

Daniel is ahhhh i don't know.. he has never been attached to anything in his life and could never understand what i am feeling right now... this adds on to my feelings of lonliness....

<3peace

deja vu...

SO on the bus today i had a glimpse of deja vu but it didn't happen exactly the way it did in my dream in a way.... okay I'll tell you the dream part first and then tell you how it really happened.....

dream:
I'm on the bus and i get a phone call from my friend Joe telling me that there was a tornado watch. And i thought that was pretty sweet of him to call because he really didn't have to then i started to think how come Daniel didn't call me and make sure i was okay. So I'm like sad and i hear Khindra playing with a kid but i couldn't really see her face but i knew it was her and blah blah blah.....

Reality:
I got a phone call from Daniel asking where i was because there is a tornado watch in effect on Nassau county and he felt he needed to tell me.. aww i love this kid.. we talked for awhile he called me "stupid" because i got a 14 on my chemistry exam... aww once again i love this kid...lol so i decided i should just at least get some problems done before i go to boot camp training... i get two more phone calls advising me to get home because now everywhere is becoming flooded.. so i decided not to go to boot camp and just get home.. i finally get into the N4 a little argument takes place and then settled. A little boy begins to cry because he wants to sit instead of stand. So this girl gave up her seat for them.. Now the boy is upset because he wanted to sit by himself so the girl decided to entertain the kid and ask him where his nose, ears, and lips were just like how it sort of happened in my dream...

but yeah i had deja vu and thought i should share it.. I'm mad because i could have went to work out after chemistry tutoring....... my birthday is in two weeks tomorrow.. ahhh!...

<3peace

am i ready for this....

i think i just failed my chem exam.. well i know i did.. it was like in another language.. i swear...

i tried to study but my brain hurts so much.. too much work.. too much reading, too much tapping of the fingers against the keyboard, too much thinking and too much analyzing everything that is thrown my way... i can't wait til Thursday... I'm going to take this all out on my boot camp class....the full body work out

well in brighter news Daniel got a job.. yay! now we can save and possibly move in together.. if he still wants to....

<3peace