sometimes....

i feel like i don't apply myself enough...
i try so hard but not hard enough....
life just gets so overwhelming and i never know what im doing anymore...
i love school and if i didn't i wouldn't be stressing myself to get As...

today pretty much sucked.. i studied so hard to be interrupted by a false alarm in the middle of our exam and now we are being punish because of that and because people were outside sharing answers...... what morons.. now we are going to be graded for what we did and get an even harder one in our lab classes which sucks because i have lab at 9 in the morning on mondays.. so this weekend i can't even party because i have to study all over again and get ready for his killer quiz.... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!... i need to get an A or what's the use of being in school.....

<3paix

is this it?.....

ahhh I'm so tired.. i just had my chem exam and i hope i past i think i did well since i attempted all of the problems... i just wish i wasn't late and that i studyed a Little better than i did.... so tonight i have to finish studying for Bio because i have that exam on Thursday.. I'm so upset that i have to go to court tonight but i think I'm going to take my ass home after lecture because i am way to tired for this and i just need a nap...................

it's starting to look up...

i'm beginning to get everything i want which is great.. i got Daniel crawling at my feet.. yay.. i'm doing better in school... meeting new people.. starting to enjoy and embrace the whole college experience again.. the weather is getting better.. i got to spend the weekend with my niece and sister plus the new baby growing inside her... work is going.. i need to make more money but im trying to budget with the money i have.... my face is clearing up i just need to get a banging tan and i am back in the game...hahaha

so all i need now is a new guy to get to know.. i'm working on that... but this time he has to be atleast vegetarian.. meat eaters are way far more aggressive for me....

Bio in an hour and i'm going to go study for awhile and then gaze into professor french eyes all through his lectures.....

I'm so proud of Lugie.. he is such a great kid and he is having the time of his life in Japan.. i hope he embraces their culture and appreciates life a little more you're a lucky kid<3333333!...

<3paix

how do you tell...

someone that you don't feel the same way for them anymore.....
i'm sorry it's to late to tell me... "i miss you"....

<3paix

My bell jar....

has lifted.. i don't know what happened to me i was severly depressed.. i couldnt stop crying and all i wanted to do was end it all.... i wasn't myself and i dont ever want to be that person i was.... i dont know if it was my sickness on top of my period but it was horrible.. but when i woke up this morning i felt the dark cloud had passed and i'm me again.. thank god

<3paix

on going horrible scene.....

so school starts in a few days and i think i am ready... i know i need to do very well because my GPA is horrible at the moment.... it's insane that i was given the world and i destroyed it... i have to remember who i am doing this for.. myself.. my unsure feelings had gotten the best of me and it seemed as if i hit rock bottom when i was so sure i was on top... i began to destroy myself with poisons i said i was going avoid which found its way back into my life...

some days i wish i could just escape it all and just forget but something keeps me awake and this time i'm going to figure it out.. enjoy life....

<3paix

Wish you were here

Daniel called today.. which is surprising. i didn't think i was ever going to hear from that kid since i told him i didnt want to have sex with him anymore..... it's strange..... i dont get it.. does he still like me or something... i just dont get it...... i adore the kid and i wish we could work it out but we have a lot of work to do if we are going to be with each other... i would like that but if he doesn't want to then i'm fine with that too... i just want to know so it wont seem like i am wasting my time.. waiting for him.... you know just let me know

ahh i'm too high for this thanx to joe<3! and smelling good guy a.k.a Matt<3!.... good time<3!.. Matt's pretty cool and i adore Joe<3 is just awesome.....
so now i'm just chilling and watching Stacey since she is trashed from a night of drinking with her co workers... i'm glad they called me because she would have been fucked.. she's not in good shape well she wasn't.. she's sleeping now and not puking all over my livingroom.. hahaha poor girl.... this is why i would rather be stoned than drunk anyday......lol

<3paix