Weird

is a word that sums up every relationship I have ever had with a virgo. I don't get it; I don't get them; I don't get myself. It's crazy. We just started this romance, and I feel like i've ruined everything. I'm an emotional wreck, and my unsteadiness could be rooted to my parents. I shouldn't blame them for all of my wrong-doings, but I feel this is the only way I can approach these inner demons with hopes of releasing them. For the first time, I felt jealousy. Maybe I felt it before this and never quite understood the strength of this attribute. It's not charming, and it will destroy a blooming relationship. I ruined it.........blaaaaaaah

maybe I'll give it space with hopes that whatever happened last night will just be a distant memory. I can't believe i ditched my boy. I was so high, and I let him down. I feel like a fool. A fool is what I feel like........

And don't forget to breathe...

I guess, I haven't truly understood that phrase until now. Last night, I think I learned so much about what I'm capable of taking and what I wanted out of this town. I'm ready for a new chapter and a place where I feel safe riding a bicycle at night.

Cycling is my life. I enjoy it so much, and I don't want to picture my life not doing so. But last night showed that cyclist need to be respected by the cars on the road. If you feel that we get in your way, kindly go around us. Don't throw liquids at us from the passager side of your window as you pass us by.

To the person who threw liquid at me: What if I would have crashed or hurt myself badly because of the shock. It isn't funny and things like that shouldn't happen. Why would you resort to such harmful behavior and endanger some one's life in the process. It's baffling. but you know what, I'm still pissed and I hope your car explodes with you trapped in it. I know it's fucked up for me to wish that upon anyone, but you deserve it for your stupidity and not caring for your fellowman especially on the road.

Anyway, I hear Amsterdam is cyclist friendly.

Shakespeare

Ha!

so i went to London for spring break, and i absolutely adored it. I adored it so much that I'm trying to finish up my masters in creative writing there. I also met a boy, but I'm starting to think he doesn't feel the same about me. He sends me poems and I send him my poems, but I'm think I've frighten him. Somethings never change-intense as ever. This post will not be all about him, so I'll stop here.

London was amazing! I've been networking, trying to get my poems published overseas. I had a lot to say about London the previous days, but I'm guessing I'm all talked out... I have to write some more poems for the class that allowed me to venture out over the Atlantic.

I really hope I haven't scared my poet away. I thought it was going well....... ha

Eat your Oatmeal....

so... I'm heading to London with my class in a few days. I think i'm finally becoming excited. I felt nothing, not even a slight form of excitement, and everyone that I told of my next adventure felt more than I. So now, methinks, i'm finally feeling something maybe some sort of resemblance of excitement if that is what it is... So i'm going to London. yay! Yeah, it's excitement that I'm feeling ha..... I really don't know where I want to visit while I'm in London, but I do want to do all the tourist-y stuff just to get it out of the way. I think basically that it is what we'll be engaging in mostly as a group, which is pretty sweet. I don't think I would be getting this pretty rad experience if I did this alone or with my brother, Lookman...But we would of course done as much damage as possible..lol.. blah London♥ !.... I want to take in the night life of London. And feel London's true-self. I hope it's real fun, and everything i've ever dreamed of.....lol And then i'll take on Paris. Man, I hope I find a cool record store in London... I really want to check out the punk scene or a show and a record store..... i hope i find a cool record store....

Well anyway I'm in awe with these boys and sweet tasting oatmeal in the mornings......Oh Oatmeal<3!.

Back to school

So in a way, I'm glad that the world is back in Plattsburgh again. I've been a walking zombie, but not brain dead more like brain resting. I've been hanging around with the locals and getting to know the few friends that i've made here thus far. Seeing familiar faces with hopes of hanging out is comforting.

I've text Maxwell twice this year, and I'm hoping that the interactions between us will get even smaller. It's not like i have bad feelings towards him. It's just i don't want to think about him anymore...

I've been in work all day today since 11 am, and i won't leave here until midnight or maybe a little bit before that. I haven't decided.



I've been woking out and eating a lot of food, sadly. I feel as if i gained more weight than i was before. I can't wait to be busy with no time to eat, and when i have time to eat, i'll be thankful for a meal. blaaah....

oh and i've been avoiding the outcome of becoming a pothead. Don't get me wrong. I smoked all break, and i had fun, but now it's time to get it together. I graduate in May, which is awesome, and i can't wait! YAY!!

Too bad i wasn't able to write anything. I'm hoping that i'll be writing soon since school is in season.....boo to school but yay to new hopes.......

I Don't Wanna Fuck With Another Dude's Snacks

AH! Today was a great day... I hung out with different people, which is a first for me in a long time due to school.

Man, hanging out with Maxwell was awesome. Matt P came over, and we jammed. If only we could play along with each other instead of in our own worlds. Ha! We sounded pretty rad, though. It was good being around Max and playing music. Since we stopped fooling around, it's been really weird. Ha! or maybe it's just me.. I do get pretty weird at times.

So school is out for the Winter break, and I am very excited. I can get up when i want to, and read what I want without having to write a paper in the end. Life is going to be sweet for six weeks. Plus, I got a JOB!!! Y AY! I'll be the new cashier, counter person, salad and sandwich prep-per...etc. I'm looking forward to it. Two days a week and an income to pay my rent. I hope this winter break is fun, and I can't wait to see my family for a few days the weekend of New Year's.......


oh and listen to your Dads..... they know what they're talking about........

Taking an interest in what i'm afriad of....

I had a boyfriend, and then i lost him... man.... I can't even keep a man. What's wrong with me? It's not like he was the greatest kid in the world, but he was a step up from what I've been used to. It hurts a lot, but in a way, I don't even feel a thing. I put way to much negative energy and energy, in general, into it that I destroyed the beauty of it. I sort of miss him, or I sort of miss being or lying next to someone. Plus, he was extremely sweet, so I guess I should stop texting him. He's not coming back, and I need to move on.......

In other news, i have my laptop back, which is awesome. I can listen to awesome music again. For example, Wavelets...... I'm in love......

my soul is at ease...speakeasie